That's What He Said

I love movie quotes. I’m equally partial to shows, books, and podcasts. When a friend loves the same lines, we have the magic. We grow to love the characters so much that we’ll read about the real people behind them and share those details with each other. In a totally healthy, non-parasocial or celebrity worship syndrome sort of way.

I’M FINE.

I wouldn’t say I’ve hit “fan girl” status with the celebrities I love. I do occasionally have this dream that Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell ghost me so hard that I wake up sad in real time. I feel a little defeated, failing once again to lock down what would obviously be a lifelong friendship.

YA BLEW IT.

I’m not sure what’s going on in my subconscious. Some part of me really wants to win them over. I know them from their work and their instagram, with their smily face emoji children in tow. I don’t know them. Most importantly, they don’t know me. I am honestly fine with that, regardless of what my deepest and innermost private thoughts would tell you.

I think that’s what amazes me about the God I learn about in the Bible. In a culture submerged in power struggles, authoritative idealization, and hidden agendas, we meet a Creator that wants to be known. He didn’t create an owner’s manual because each life is so unique and unable to be duplicated. BUT He did provide a road map so that whatever detour you end up on, you can find your way back to the main path.

I mean, doesn’t that make sense? In the same way that we can’t parent each of our kiddos with the exact same methods, but we have a general outcome we’d like to see for each of them. It usually involves health, happiness, and a home of their own. Not our basement.

Taking a closer look at the “road map” (the Bible) involves trying to understand what it is saying, even when it seems inconsequential or minute. The words I might otherwise glaze over could be offering cultural context or themes that continue to exist today. Taking the time to understand these details often unveils such beautiful continuity.

I attended a study several months ago where we prayed the Scripture. We read one line at a time and prayed whatever came to mind. In this case, it didn’t need to include a commentary or the original text. It was so simple and organic the way they spoke to each of our hearts.

I knew this was something I wanted to share on the blog! Now that a new season is around the corner, it seems like the perfect time to get started. I’ve included free prayer cards for you to download and print for yourself. If you’d like to go one step further and laminate them, it appears you and I have the magic too.

These prayer cards can be used in a variety of ways. A verse a week, a day, or hourly. We all have our battles. Pray them over yourself, your family, your co-workers, your classmates, that guy that cut you off on the freeway. I chose verses for courage, kindness, patience, joy, and faith. The sixth card is to keep track of prayers and praises. You can download them when you subscribe to my site. (Sorry…not sorry.)

My hope is that you will experience these things as you pray them over your life. I also suspect the verses will take on different meanings as you face a variety of seasons and circumstances. Scripture is living and active. In this small selection of scripture, my greatest desire is that you will grow in faith because the work being done in you is not explainable or visible to the naked eye.

I know that may not sit well with everyone. Good. Test it and decide whether or not it has merit. In order for truth to hold up over time, it must be valid and reliable. Keep one eye open when something masquerades as truth but balks at a challenge. The only time people will hide things from you are 1. when they’re being dishonest and 2. when they’re planning your surprise party.

I have a wealth of useless knowledge in my head. I can recite more than half of Tommy Boy right here, right now. It may get a laugh, but it won’t cause you to contemplate life on a deeper level. Maybe it will. I’m not judging. My point is that along with Chris Farley quotes from the mid to late nineties (RIP, sweet prince), I can fill my mind with words that actually do have the power to encourage, enlighten, and even defend the rights of others in purposeful ways. Those are the quotes I most want to be known for. How about you?

Out of Favor

This isn't a food blog, but I'd love to share one of my favorite recipes with you. It still needs some tweaks, but I think you'll get the main idea.

Disaster

1 c. Criticism (can be substituted with doubt, distance, or relational strain)

1/2 c. Defensive (I use Prove Them Wrong, but any brand will work)

2 T. Changes in routine

2 T. Busy and Active

3 tsp. Parenthood (I mix 3 together here)

2 tsp. Lack of personal bubble (NoSpace is popular)

1/2 tsp. Uncertainty

Pinch of Sleep

Mix all of the ingredients together until a self-doubt peak forms. Cover and freeze overnight. Once thawed, can be reheated and served several times. It could also be used as an add-in to other recipes. Blend with Time to Think, Reading Scripture, Praying, Talking Out With a Friend, or Process What This All Means. Best served as a side.

I know. So corny. You immediately knew what I was doing, didn't you? Last week was extra challenging for me and I finally hit a wall. Not literally, although with my track record zero percent of you would be surprised. The one thing I'm "expected" to be great at right now is motherhood. When I'm not thriving...and I've sacrificed so much of me to be here...I feel like a failure.

When I read Just. You. Wait., Tricia talked about Christian meditation and it was the first time I really thought about the spiritual practice. She shared the difference between standard meditation, where you focus on your own presence, and Scriptural meditation where you are grounded in who God is and what He has done. I downloaded an app that combines biblical truth and traditional practices of thoughtfulness and relaxing the body. We've started to use it in our family as a way to combat anger, anxiety, and whatever difficult emotions we are facing.

Last week, I dealt with failure. I ugly cried my way through meditation while answering questions about the root of my sense of failure. Anytime I have faced a challenge, I can tell myself, "You haven't failed in the past. You won't fail now." But when it comes to relationships, I don't have a high success rate. That makes it easy to believe that I can fall out of favor with God, as well. The lie settles in my heart and I no longer feel "redeemed." I don't know why I allow time to pass for it to make a home there, but my shortcomings and imperfections make it easier to believe I should let it move in.

The app then went on to tell me to ask the Holy Spirit what He would want to say to me in that moment. I immediately felt the words "you are loved" over and over, as if they were being stamped all over my heart. I sort of thought I was saying the easy thing to myself, so I kept looking for the silence to hear other words. But "you are loved" was on repeat. Of course I knew it was true and it wasn't as elaborate as "YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE" but it was the reminder I needed.

The following day was another difficult morning and I wanted to go through a meditation session with the boys. We listened to "Longing" and I heard a verse in a new way that has stuck with me. The speaker brought up Eve not believing that she could trust God, and it occurred to me that the original sin was not exclusively about wanting more, but also about not trusting God's heart for us. Isn't that the sin we have on repeat? When we make choices, we don't always have faith that we can wait for Him. It's hard to believe that if we listen, He will speak. If He's disappointed, what if He distances Himself from me?

In our offenses with one another, we usually believe that the other person is not for us and does not have our best interest at heart. Most of the arguments I break up around here are rooted in the idea that everything their siblings do is to annoy them. It seems silly, but then I catch myself feeling the same way. It is easy to believe that we can fall out of favor with God when others question our motives or deem us unworthy of their time or love.

The kids and I ended up discussing how each of us could do a better job of not expecting the worst from one another or thinking we're out to "get" each other. We vowed to act like a team. We are going to work on remembering our part in both sides of an argument...respecting others' wishes and having grace with others' behaviors.

In my personal time with God, I've been reading the minor prophets. Yikes. What bad timing. Do you know how sometimes you're binging on Netflix and want to stop after the next episode, but it lands on a cliffhanger? So you watch the first part of the next episode until you can find a new place to stop in the middle of that? That's what it's like to read these chapters. Gloom and doom and consequences for sin. Then in the next chapter God will remind the people that He loves them and will redeem them still.

I don't think I'll continue in the minor prophets at this time, but I do get the rhythm of these chapters. Challenges, struggles, heartache, redemption. Failure, disappointment, fallout, redemption. Brokenness, sadness, loneliness, redemption. If history repeats itself, we can trust that there will always be room for redemption. That means that failure is not final. Disappointment does not have the last word. No offense outweighs the power of forgiveness.

Show Up

I woke up slowly, my body still tired from a restless night. After long moments of waking my mind and prying my eyes open, I sat up and realized he was gone. The bed beside me was cold and empty. I stood up abruptly and went to the closet. Suitcase gone. I sunk to the floor and held my head in my hands. I didn't know how long he would be gone and I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Soon the baby was stirring and I had to go on about my day, earlier than usual but still too late. I knew I would see him again, but my heart ached all the same. Our lives had grown so chaotic and tiresome that somehow I completely missed our important date, our kisses on the hand, our ritual of one last glance, one long hug, and one long goodbye before the distance would fall into place between us.

This. This is the feeling. Longing, loss, sadness, disappointment. There will be distance and you don't have the chance to say goodbye. Something special awaits, but somehow you missed it. I awoke with this feeling yesterday and it still haunts me. The story above is fictional, but captures what my heart felt early that morning. I try to spend the first moments of my day reading the Bible, a book on faith, and writing in my prayer journal. I sacrifice sleep to gain a perspective I cannot muster up on my own.

I looked at the clock and it was 5:30am. Still one full hour of sleep ahead of me and I really felt that I needed it. I felt this whisper in my heart, "Come with me." Not real words, no voice. Just this deep sense that if I got up and spent that time in prayer or devotion, I would find something there. It would be meaningful, special even. It felt important. So I bargained with God and went back to sleep. Before I knew it, the alarm went off and the day began. I felt regret and somehow knew the time we would have wouldn't be the same. It didn't require the same sacrifice that it would have in the dark, early hours.

My daughter woke up a full hour earlier than usual. I closed my book, cut short my time, and plunged into my daily roles without breaks. By the end of the day, I looked at my husband and said "Do you know what I could've used today? One hour more. Just one." I have felt that way before and I will feel it again. But. The One who knows me and knows what is in store for me...called me. Our time together is important, our ritual of listening and sharing, understanding more fully and falling in love with new discoveries about one another. Err my new discoveries because He already knows me. As I have drawn closer to Him in these past few weeks, His heart is made known to me. My heart is made known to me. You guys don't want me without Jesus, TRUST. The passion for life and people is intoxicating.

I ask God to speak clearly and to show up. But am I listening? And do I show up? I am postured for readiness, but my eyes are distracted and elsewhere. How many times have I missed this whisper? This gate to the secret garden, this wardrobe to another land? I seek to be transported, and yet how often do I take the first step?

So I chose not to dwell. You can bet your sweet tush I got out of bed today and made that time happen. There is still a sense that perhaps I missed something, but I also have this new appreciation for who God is. For the mountains He will climb and the rivers He will cross to impact our lives. Ultimately, His provision astounds me. I may have made some new discovery yesterday...maybe I would have been handed the key to unlock the door called "What's Next" for me and felt clarity about the next stage of life. See why I was so disappointed? THAT was on the line. Possibly. However, He still provided a sense of urgency and a repentance that was born out of weakness. Two choices, one future. Nothing in the trash. Nothing wasted, nothing lost. Moving right along. Like a daughter that wants to please her Father, I am listening.

"Before they call, I will answer; while they are yet speaking, I will hear." Isaiah 65:24